Murray’s (Murphy’s) Laws Of Piping.

Scribbled down on July 11th, 2007 by she
Posted in Lighter Side

  1. No matter when you change your reed, it only blows out as you march off.
  2. Any reed changed just before a parade will be too hard to blow.
  3. When the Pipe Major is watching you, your drones will never start right.
  4. Clean white shirts will get dirty in the clothing bag.
  5. Careful accounting of your gear the night before means that you will forget something.
  6. Months of practice on a six-part tune means you will only remember one part on parade.
  7. If you call “By the Right…..” – sure as hell someone will start on the right foot.
  8. When someone important is watching, the Drum Major will always call the “Halt!” on the wrong foot.
  9. Some band members rise to their own level of incompetence – then stay there.
  10. When the band sounds good – wait till the next tune.
  11. Bandsmen come and bandsmen go – but screw-ups continue.
  12. The degree of band screwing-up is in direct proportion to how important the event is.
  13. If the band plays an easy tune long enough – they will screw it up.
  14. Any chanter reed that will blow, will blow 30 seconds before march-off.
  15. Any drum head that breaks, will do so 30 seconds after march-off.
  16. All Pipe Majors believe that their bands will get better with practice.
  17. All pipers have a scheme to break-in their own reeds, none of which work.
  18. You will always remember to take your hose out of the dryer on the way to the parade.
  19. There is never time to do it right, but we find time to do it wrong.
  20. Every time the Bass Drummer tries a new beat, the pipers just hear a double-beat and quit playing.
  21. The bus is never on time, but when it is, it’s not your bus.
  22. At least once every parade, a drummer will drop or break a stick.
  23. When all is going correctly, look out, something is wrong.
  24. When more than one piper cannot shut off his drones properly, its the Pipe Major’s fault.
  25. All important parades must be done during the pipers’ holidays.
  26. A good band practice does not mean a good parade.
  27. A bad band practice does not mean a good parade.
  28. Some pipers claim that “Preparation” is a piper’s best friend.
  29. Pipe reeds only come in one type – too hard for your pipers to play.
  30. Side drums only stay in tune until you have to play them.
  31. A full turn-out at band practice does not mean a full turn-out on parade.
  32. Band members’ clocks are always one half hour behind the Pipe Major’s.
  33. Any person who wants to be a Pipe Major is CRAZY!

[1] “Murray’s Laws of Piping” – by P.M. Murray Martin, Army, Navy, and Air Force Pipes & Drums, Belleville, Ontario.


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