THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:

Scribbled down on November 28th, 2007 by she
Posted in Lighter Side

  1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: ‘ED-MIN-TIN’.
  2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 
  3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered ‘Wussy’.
  4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
  5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
  6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.
  7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won’t shoot you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first vehicle through the intersection.
  8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more construction starts everyday.
  9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
  10. Get on Groat Road & you’ll find yourself on St Albert Trail; Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same  road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye Road are the same road; Capilano Freeway, Wayne Gretzky Drive, Fort Road, 75 Street and 66 Street are also the same road; got it? Now don’t even start with The Anthony Henday/Ring Road thing!
  11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been ‘accidentally Activated.’
  12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be ‘flipped off’ accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
  13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and Blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. You also may run out of gas waiting in Tim’s drive thru.

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3 Responses to “THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:”

  1. And I thought driving in Tucson was bad!

  2. ‘Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.’
    Hilarious, She!

  3. I see Edmonton is Winnipeg’s sister city for a reason.

    Yep, sounds about right…!!
    :-)

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